Have you stopped to hydrate lately?
AKA Somehow I managed to walk around with a hole in my pants flashing my undies all day.
How? Honestly no idea how this tear happened, when, or how I managed not to notice all day as I ran errands.
At the doctor. Hole in my pants. At work handing in my resignation letter. Hole in my pants. At the grocery store picking up provisions. Hole in my pants. At home working-what is that weird feeling on the back of my leg-OMG hole in my pants?!? Whaaat?
Thankfully (according to my housemate) it wasn’t super noticeable because they are baggy. But no wonder I felt rather naked and vulnerable all day, on top of everything else that’s going on.
Earlier this week I came home from work to find the AC off. Like, blank screen off. Like, fuse plug on but AC off. Like, OMG has the system just died off. Thankfully, on my dad’s advice, I just flipped all my fuses on and off (no idea which one is for which - it’s a weird old house) and it came back on. 😅
Then this morning, right as I got up, my overhead bedroom light just randomly turned on. No one else in the house but the cat and guinea pig. No brown out. Just a random light coming on. When I went to turn it off the whole fan shut off too. Could it be the house flippers next door were messing with my fan/light as they were installing one? Who knows.
All this has been happening as I wean off an intense medication for the first time in my life. Man, what a WEIRD experience that is. Hats off to anyone who is going through that/ has been through it. It’s… intense to say the least and my experience was nothing cause I hadn’t been on the med for long.
Still, I had weird face and mouth tingles, a tiny sensation of brain zaps, nausea, dizziness, wooziness, and some other uncomfortable body sensations.
The good news? Confirmation that my self-diagnosed neurodivergent brain is definitely what I thought it was: The big ol’, hard to explain, grossly misunderstood and understudied AuDHD.
Even better news, since coming off the meds I was on for a condition I don’t actually have, I’m more motivated and energized than I have been for a good year and a half.
All of a sudden my brain wants to write, create, post, clean, and a bunch of other things I’ve literally been scraping myself off the floor to get done in recent past.
That doesn’t mean I’m out the woods yet. Having resigned from my day job today for health reasons, it’s an Uncle Tim “make it work” moment. (A little joke of mine as I don’t know too many American Gunns. Wouldn’t be surprised if we are related though-he looks a lot like my dad’s side of the family.)
Even if I wasn’t feeling as motivated, I don’t have a choice but to get something going for myself. I’ve no idea if that’s possible. I’m hoping it is. But I know I’m not alone in feeling like life isn’t quite adding up these days, or in feeling that as I hit middle age my life is falling apart.
Yet, as good bits of news trickle in here and there, and I continue to follow and be inspired by the incredible resilience of the Palestinians in Gaza and West Bank (makes me sick to my stomach to say that cause nobody should have to be that resilient), I remain mindful that change is inevitable, with a side note to myself that in this case change has to find me working.
This involves slightly changing up my offerings here. In order to more fully embrace my neurodivergent brain, I want to write about all of my interests, rather than just about organizing. Especially because I stopped organizing locally at the beginning of this year - something I’ll write about soon - and have now turned my attention more fully to the national organizing I’ve been doing for over a year now.
However, I have to be real that getting off meds, leaving my job, some family stresses, and my own difficulty existing within capitalism do take their toll. So I’m taking a moment to hydrate and hype myself up for this next hard leg of the marathon that is life right now.
What that means for you is that I’ll be writing more. But it may be a couple months before I’m back to organizing, which may or may not affect the kinds of posts I’m creating. If that means this is the end of the journey for you following me, follow your passions. If you find my upcoming posts interesting enough to stay, thanks for continuing to follow me.
Some posts will be paywalled - potentially - I’m still deciding how I feel about that, but I’ll do my best to keep the open posts coming regularly too.
In the meantime, check in with me in the chat - how are YOU doing? Any weird stuff been going on for you lately? No worries if not, but the chat is always open for thoughts, questions, and just the general bizarreness of life right now.
I look forward to writing again soon, until then:
Tioraidh an drasta, a chairdean. (Cheerio, friends.)